Happy New Year!!! 01-01-11 Mammoth Mountain

Last weekend we went to Mammoth for a long weekend of snowboarding. It's an annual trip that we go on after every Christmas, but this year I kind of forgot that it was new year's eve because I've been so busy taking care of an extra bundle. Everything we do is generally all about Max and things like celebrating the clock striking midnight are on the back burner.

Our first day on the mountain was less than stellar. First of all, we did not think to arrange daycare in advance and didn't realize that it would be full months in advance. But there was a last minute cancellation on Fri., and we sent Max to the penguin playground in the small world daycare so Marc and I could enjoy a day on the mountain together.

On my first run, I was going really slow and a guy pommelled directly into me at about a hundred miles an hour. What a way to start the trip! After I got passed the dizziness and the pain, I was a little timid about the rest of the day. Last year was the first year I had not been skiing or snowboarding since I was completely off balance during pregnancy, and it took me a while to reacquaint myself with the snow. By the end of the day I was starting to have fun despite the soreness and intimidation.

When I finally started to find my groove, I got a call from Max's babysitter that he was having a meltdown and had not napped all day. So Marc and I made our way around the mountain to rescue our sad snowman. Once I finally got to him and peeled off all 6 layers of clothes it only took a few minutes to feed him and allow the milk coma to take effect. By the time we laid Max down in his slumber and we got back on the slopes, the day was almost over.

At sunset I recall saying, "Oh well, tomorrow is a new day". And someone said to me, "No, tomorrow is a new year!" And that's when I realized it was new years eve!

That evening I kind of forgot it was new year's eve again and could barely keep my eyes open after about 11pm. Max was wide awake--like he always is when we are traveling and off his regular routine--and of course I was busy taking care of him.

When I reached the point where I couldn't hold my head up any longer I took Max into the bedroom to lie down and breast feed him like I always do when I am ready for him to go to bed for the night. I had no concept of our friends in the next room pouring champagne and toasting to the new year until Marc came to find me and give me a new year's kiss. And then I blissfully slept into the new year!

The next day was AWESOME! I went snowboarding all by myself for four hours while Marc and Max hung out at the condo. I had a few friends on the mountain that day, but it didn't matter. I was in heaven the whole entire time. There were no lines for the lifts and it was the best snow I had experienced since the last time I went to Vail. I didn't even stop for the bathroom--I just went in my pants! Ok, not to that extent, but I didn't even stop for lunch or a coffee break like I normally would. I was happy to eat my smooshed peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the gondola on the way for another encounter with perfection.

That was one of my top favorite days of snowboarding of my whole life. Anyone who knows the feeling of freedom and serenity knows how magical that kind of day is like. You never want it to end and you won't be able to stop talking about it for the rest of the trip. 01-01-11 started off like it's going to be the best year ever!

When I wasn't snowboarding, I was toting my little polar bear around town and explaining to him that this would be at least one of our family trips every year. He loved eating the snow, but he hated how freezing cold his hand would get. I tried to teach him what the problem was but the poor little guy didn't make the correlation between the icy snow and his frosty fingers. I ended up having to bring snowballs inside the house for him to eat so he could stay warmer and continue eating this newly discovered phenomenon.

It was wonderful to have our sweet snow angel in Mammoth. We hope everyone had a happy new year's! This year really is going to be the best!!!

He's a Crawler....Shockaller

What a sport! He is the best little baby and couldn't be any cuter if he tried. It's a good thing that I hang out with a lot of other gushing mommies so I don't have to make the general public sick with my never ending doting remarks. I could talk about this sweet boy 24/7.

Max is doing so much these days. He crawls from one end of the house to the other. We had to start baby proofing when he was 7 months old. Once he started chasing the cat around the house, I knew we had reached the "getting into everything" stage. After Max dove into Boogars' cat food bowl, I told Marc that he has to keep his eye on the baby at all times because has gone mobile.

Several days later after I had explained this bit of information to Marc, I came home from yoga to find Marc asleep on the couch. Of course I thought it was a joke that Marc was napping before midnight because he always goes to bed so late. I asked him "where's Max" and he threw a quick glance toward his feet and said "right there". Once again I thought he was joking or trying to fool me because there was no baby by his feet. In response to my confused expression, he jumped up and started walking in circles and looking around the couch as if he had misplaced the baby....I thought that he was possibly playing a joke on me and Max was sleeping soundly in his crib. I really didn't know what to think about Marc's state of mind until I saw his jaw drop as he looked at his son in the hallway climbing up onto the laundry detergent.

Having a baby has caused me to relive many moments of my own childhood and this stirred up a huge memory. I vividly recalled how serious an incident we had in our home when one of my brothers drank lime away and was sent to the hospital. It was really scary to think back about my brother and a wake up call to Marc. You can't be asleep and watching your baby at the same time.....duh!

Fortunately nothing bad happened and now it is fun to watch little diaper butt scooting around the house. I don't mind that he is all over the place because he is usually having a blast with the cat or his toys. It took him so long to show interest in the cat and now he is all about their brotherly love.

Unfortunately for Max, Boogars is not so keen on having clumps of hair pulled out and has resorted to batting his paw a few times. Ahahahaha....I am still laughing over that one. Boogars is all bark and no bite and trying to show Max that he needs to keep his distance. They are friendly for the most part, but as Max continues to get stronger I think Boogars will keep running away faster and faster.

Max is jabbering away these days and has lots to say. He says quite a few consonants in all the babbling and still only has the two words mama and dada. He said mama for the first time at 6 months old and would repeat it over and over as one long mamamamamama. Then after about a month of that he began dadadadada. Now for the first time this week he is trying to imitate many other words on a regular basis. I looooove it when he does this. It's not too often, but we have our rituals that involve saying and doing the same things.

For instance, this morning when I picked him up out of his crib, I said the usual "good morning". And he just smiled and cooed and made a good morning sound that imitated the inflection of my voice. It was so sweet. And other things I tell him such as "I love you" have been mimicked as well as the word kitty. These words aren't coming out terribly clear and if it weren't in response to what I had just said, I'm sure they wouldn't be as easily understood. With a little more practice I'm sure he will be saying lots more soon.


I'm reading the most fabulous book. Whaaaa----you say? Read? Gosh, I haven't had time to do something like that since Max was born. If I have a free minute, I'm usually trying to squeeze in a nap or a quick workout or a post on my blog. These are all things that I would like to do every single day, but there's absolutely no way. It's always a sacrifice to do one thing instead of another.

But alas, I am reading a book! Even if it is only a few pages a day, I am reading. My first book back is "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. Wow, it is amazing and a must read for all parents. I'm on Chapter 3 entitled "The Beginning of Life" and am fascinated by the assessment of a baby's needs.

When a baby is born, they have strict requirements about what they need. We have learned that he cannot hope that if he is uncomfortable now, that he will be comfortable later. Either things are right or not right. He cannot feel that "mother will be right back" when she leaves him. If a baby is left to cry for too long and the response it is meant to elicit does not come, that feeling gives way to utter bleakness without time or hope. That breaks my heart to think of a screaming, crying baby left all alone to suffer!!!

It does make sense to me that we have these maternal instincts to respond to our baby's cries, and it bewilders me that there are people who bring another life into the world and ignore their cries for help. It says that if you can't be received as a baby, that you may have trouble bonding and forming attachments. The psychotherapist that recommended this book to me simply stated that if I ever have any doubts about my role as an attachment parent, to read this book and keep up the good work.

I wish I could stay up all night and read this whole entire book. But there is no way I would be a good mommy tomorrow without any sleep. Funny how parenting doesn't allow for a day off and breast feeding gives about a 6 hour break at the most. I love my full time job!

Speaking of jobs, I have some part time work coming up for the holidays. I'll be working in short 4 hour little incriments on the weekends for Kitchen Aid and I'm looking forward to the small amount of responsibility. Marc's mom does this same job in Florida and hooked me up with the little side gig. Sounds manageable enough for a start back to earning an income!

I'm missing the entertainment industry, but not enough to go back to it any time soon. Those hours are tough to keep up with for anyone, but for a new mom....forget about it. I would definitely have a meltdown! I don't know if I could keep up with breast feeding and would feel horrible about using formula. And not to mention, we still get up once in the night and I would be exhausted all the time. No thank you!

It would be so sad to miss out on special moments and huge milestones if I were working full time. I am so grateful to be at home with my boy. I love being with him and moments like bathtime are the best. His little butt is so cute as he tries to crawl out of his froggie bathtub. I treasure every moment with all my boys!!!

Goodnight!

Little P Found His Package!

Yes, that is how it sounds. Little Max Perry found his penis this week. Now when we change him, he has to check and make sure it is still there. I keep telling him it's all intact....including his foreskin. He's already holding himself like a football player in the locker room. That must be an exciting discovery for any boy!

He also found his ears. He keeps running his hand back there to pull on his ears and scratch his head. He's giving the Fonz from "Grease" a run for his money. All baby Max needs is a little more hair.

We've reached a pivotal point where we are ready to transition Max to his crib. We are all ready. Well, Marc and I are ready, but I'm not sure if Max is or not. But I am done with cosleeping. It served us well and attributed to a strong breast feeding relationship, but it suddenly became perfectly clear that we are ready for the next step.

It was a culmination of milestones that got us to this point. First of all, he is not teething. Both of his bottom teeth have come in, so I don't have to worry about him enduring excruciating pain all night. Secondly, we are not traveling. Nor do we plan to go anywhere before Thanksgiving. As I well know, it is impossible to adapt a solid schedule if you are going to leave and wreck it. Third, Max is finally eating lots of food. So I don't have to worry about his little tummy hurting because he is empty. These factors were all crucial before we could possibly attempt the transition.

I was just hoping for him to show some interest in food, but it is beyond that. Today he ate 1/3 of an avocado, a few beans, and some banana with brown rice cereal. I couldn't have asked for more in the food department.

Last time I fed him avocado, he gagged on it and spit it out. Today, he barked at me when I didn't feed it to him fast enough. Since I eat avocado almost every day, that will be a very easy food to give him. It's also nice that I don't have to puree it for him. I simply cut him a slice and he chews and swallows without a problem. This feels like a victory for me, but all I did was continue to offer it to him over and over.

The way we are transitioning Max into his crib is as usual a carefully thought out plan modeled by other peaceful parenting advocates and nonbelievers in crying it out. A breast fed baby's first love affair is with the boob. So naturally they look for the boob for comfort. And Max loves to look for that boob in the middle of the night!

So to switch it up, tonight daddy Marc will be there to comfort. Not me. Yes, that's right folks. Marc is taking over the nighttime feedings until Max is adjusted to his room. And since Marc doesn't have boobs, he will be there to comfort and soothe in a different way than me. Because at this point, it's about comfort more than hunger. I'm actually going to do the first feeding just to give my boobs some relief, and then it will be up to Marc to get Max through the rest of the night. I am going to sleep in another room after the first feeding so I can get a much needed break and some extra sleep. Wait. I lie. I'm not getting extra sleep. I'd have to sleep for a straight month for it to be considered extra. I am just aiming to get a good night's sleep is all.

So I got the boys all ready for their first night. We have the baby monitors all set up. Max has his turtle nightlight on so he can see where he is when he wakes up. Since he won't be smelling me and my milk, he will have the bunny that he sleeps with every night with our familiar scents. I moved the rocking chair from the living room into his bedroom. Basically, I've equipped them with everything they might need in hopes of being left alone. I'm really hoping for a successful night, but realize it usually takes a week to begin a new sleep association.

Let's hope Max finds his package is an adequate replacement for the boob. Because tonight it's up to him and Daddy! Wish us luck!

Reflecting...

Look at his first tooth in this picture!

I just went back and watched the videos of when Baby Max was born. Wow, things have changed!

I was especially surprised to watch the video of 1 week postpartum to see how pregnant I looked. My belly was hanging out of the bottom of my shirt. How funny! I was huge!

The most special memory I have with my son so far is breast feeding for the first time. Everyone kept saying that breast feeding was so hard. But I didn't understand why or how it could be so difficult. Max came out ready to suck and made my job easy.

I think the reason it was so special to breast feed him was because it made everything so real. We put him up to the boob and he knew exactly what to do. It was probably the most pure and natural moment after giving birth. I stared at him the whole time. It was so amazing to see how he opened his mouth and started sucking. He seemed very happy there and I loved having him on me.

At that point my milk hadn't come in yet and I knew he was getting colostrum that he needed to clean out his digestive tract. The funny thing about colostrum is that it is clear and watery so you don't feel like you are feeding your child. It was more of a time to be close and get to know each other. My heart goes out to mommies and babies who are unable to breast feed because the bonding is so special.

But now that I have breast fed Max for the past 6 months, I understand why people say it is hard. It has nothing to do with putting your boob in a baby's mouth. That's the easy part for most. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule when there are health disorders and latch problems. But the actual act of feeding is quite easy. Especially with all the special pillows such as the boppy and the breast friend.

The reason people say breast feeding is hard is because you don't get to retreat away from your child and there is almost no opportunity to be selfish. For most of us that have only had to worry about taking care of ourselves for the past 30+ years, it is a huge lifestyle change. Newborns have to eat every hour or two, and that is the breast feeding mother's job. Point blank. You are the only one there to do that job.

So you might not think that sounds like a big deal, but when it comes down to not being able to sleep more than 3 hours in a row or just run off to run a quick errand, you start to realize how hard it can be. That's why you really need to look to your "village" for help with things like cooking and cleaning.

When I think about being attached to my son for the first 3 months of his life, it sounds easy and natural. But when you're living it and haven't been able to skip off to a yoga class or a retreat to the movies or anywhere at all by yourself for several months, you can see why many people quickly give up on breast feeding.

But if you hang in there past the first 3 or 4 months when sleep deprivation is at its worst, breast feeding becomes a miracle. Any time your baby is sick or fussy, you can always soothe by nursing. I've heard that many mothers regret that they quit nursing as soon as their baby is sick. It's too bad that moms will quit nursing and let their milk dry up when all they needed was help. It's a good feeling to know that I was able to nurse Max half the night before he got his first tooth. He must have been in so much pain and it's nice to know that I was able to bring him some relief.

My favorite thing about breast feeding is that I don't have to pack formula and bottles everywhere I go. Babies need enough these days between diapers, wipes, carseats, change of outfits, etc. The last thing I want to have to do on top of that is make bottles. And since I am not making bottles, I am not cleaning bottles. And you know the last thing I want to deal with is cleaning anything I don't have to.

Now that Max has begun eating solid foods, I am not the only one capable of feeding him anymore. So a breast feeding mother is only 100% in charge of feedings for 6 months. Then it is possible to share that responsibility with others. Just because breast feeding is so consuming in the beginning doesn't mean it will stay that way. It just gets easier and easier.

I'm starting to sound like a lactation consultant, huh! I wish all mothers could share this bond with their babies. My most special moments with Max are revolved around nursing when we stare into each other's eyes. He knows I am nourishing him and always there to fill his needs. And I know I'm doing a good job because he's getting heavy!

We went to the pediatrician yesterday. Max weighs a little under 17 lbs. I think he actually lost a tiny bit of weight this past week. He is so active these days and always reaching out and scooting towards his toys. He's burning tons of calories with all this action. He went down to the 25th percentile in weight and is in the 75th percentile for height.

We just started giving him brown rice cereal yesterday, so he'll probably pack some weight back on really fast. I barely gave him any these past 2 days, but we'll increase that very soon. After hearing too many nightmare stories about babies being constipated, I've started slow with the food.

Going to the park is one of my favorite things to do with Max. We love being together and we love being outside. I love being his mom and it is so beautiful to reflect on our journey together, thus far.

Bananas & Babies

Max got to eat his first bite of a banana today. It was hilarious to see how much he loved it. We froze a small bite for him inside a mesh net. He worked on that banana for 20 minutes....enough time for me to make a beautiful salad for myself! It must have felt really good on his gums to chew on it because he smiled and kicked his legs with enthusiasm. It was the equivalent of giving Boogars catnip to let Max attack his new frozen treat!

I just put Max to bed at 10pm and I'm very curious if that bite of a banana will help him sleep any longer. He's been going 6 hours for his longest stretch these days and that is already considered sleeping through the night. But he is up 3 times almost every night and that's still a lot.

I'm proud of myself for not giving in to the baby training short cuts. Every time Max entered a growth spurt and was eating every hour or two, Marc would say to just feed him already. But then we'd get through that little phase and be so happy we were able to stick with exclusive breast feeding. This will ultimately benefit Max's health forever and reduce his risk of so many diseases including diabetes, allergies, and obesity.

I have to admit that when I look at my 17 pound baby who has more than doubled his weight, I am elated at the fact that I am the one who fed him every single meal. Even the small amount of bottles he's had has been my milk that I pumped. I think I would advise any new mom to just hang in there and keep up the good work. One day your baby will get sick and you might look back and wish you had done things differently. No regrets....

Thursdays at the park are always a treat. I love this group of mommies and babies. It is one of the highlights of my week to see this lovely group. Max is usually one of the most talkative babies of the bunch. I think he is happiest in groups like this where he is getting lots of attention. You can see Max upside down holding his rattle. It was a great day as usual!

Swimmy Sleepy East Coast Beachy Baby Boy

I brought my water baby to Florida on Wed. He got in the pool and the ocean for the first time this week.

Max is a great sport and always willing to get in the water.

I love this boy. What can I tell you. I can barely talk about anything but Max. He is such an awesome, happy baby! I've officially become "that mom". Yeah, the one that wants to talk about her son all the time. We are so happy together!

Today we went to Deerfield Beach. I love the water there. It is so warm, and I could swim in it all day long. I must have burned tons of calories there because I've eaten about 5 meals today.

But I didn't think I got that much exercise between breast feeding, diapers, etc. I'm just hungry all the time. I wonder if that will level out once Max gets to start eating solid foods. Because I've been a bottomless pit for months now!

Grandpa Newhaus took us out for a nice dinner by the beach. I ate grilled snapper with veggies and mashed potatoes. Then I just came home and made a veggie burger with eggs and an english muffin. Oh, and a chocolate covered banana and some cookies. That may seem way over the top, but I feel great. Yes, I do have some fat reserves, but my milk supply is tremendous!

As you can see, all the boys are exhausted after a day at the beach. This picture captures 3 generations of tired Newhaus boys! Everyone is tired because we are staying so busy. Madeline thought of all these fun activities for us to do while Max and I are in Florida. She was worried I would get bored, but today I told her we could slow it down a little. I never have the opportunity to be bored at home. I would like more time to lounge by the pool, go for walks, and write my blog. Now that I'm not so sleep deprived, I just want to enjoy the moment. So that's my plan....xoxo

Baby Max is 3 Months Old

Baby Max is 3 months old...exactly 13 weeks today. Whew! I made it this far! It's amazing how fast you learn so much because you have no other choice. I love every minute of being a mommy except for when I don't think I can take it another second. Juuuuuust kidding! But postpartum hormones are still a pain!

The other night I cried myself to sleep because I love him so much. And then the next night I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. But even being the overly-adoring, over-the-top gushing, madly in love mommy that I am, I get exhausted and loony. From what I hear after talking to other moms, that just makes me human.

On a bright, happy note, I've been getting more sleep than usual because we are in Dallas right now. Thanks for the extra help from Grandmom and Granddad! We've been in Dallas for almost 3 weeks and plan to go back to LA on Sat.

This has been a wonderful trip. It hasn't all been easy, but it's mostly been awesome. The first week I was here, we had a bit of a tough trip to Birmingham, AL where we introduced Max to his great grandmother Mama Ellen. That was such a special time, but I almost reached my breaking point. I was sleep deprived at the beginning of the trip, and after 10+ hours in the car, Max had a meltdown that night that kept any of us from sleeping. He's had gas pains a few times prior to this, but this was on a whole new level. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, and my mom described his cries as barking like a dog. We were only a step away from taking him to the ER until he finally just fell asleep.

It was just an unfortunately bad night that made it difficult to see straight the entire next day. It was a complete bummer for me because we had arranged professional photographs of Max with the whole family, but I looked like certifiable crap. I even started crying at the picture session. The only place I wanted to be was in a dark room with a bed. But somehow, I made it through that day. Mama Ellen loved seeing us and we loved seeing her and everyone else.

Last weekend, My dad and I took Max to meet some more relatives in Abilene. That trip was much easier and quite relaxing. Max didn't realize he had so many cousins until he finally met them. We had a nice lunch at my cousin Greg's house and that was another special time with family.

I think the kicker is when Max met his Uncle Ross and Uncle David. The first time Ross held Max, his diaper blew out onto Ross's clothes. The green, slimy poop that seeped out onto Ross's khakis made him completely gun shy about holding Max. You should have seen the look of disgust on his face. I would've sworn by that look that he would never want anything to do with his nephew ever again.

For some reason, my brother David wasn't scared after what happened to Ross. He generously offered to help me with a middle of the night feeding and diaper change. Keep in mind, one of his hands was recently mangled by a pit bull and he had never changed a diaper before--especially one-handed. Apparently he was having a difficult time getting the diaper on and Ross had to help him. In the hour that it took to change the diaper, they both got peed on. Not once, but TWICE! And don't think they got through that one by themselves. My dad had to come in and help them in the end. So yes, it took three men to change that one diaper. I bet Max laughed and laughed at his urine-infested uncles.

When my high school friend Amy was over a couple weeks ago, Max had a breakthrough day. It was the first day he became able to hold his head up for long periods of time. That was really cool to see her holding him with his head consistently staying still. She also took this picture of him laughing. It's the first picture that truly captures his big smile.

He had another huge breakthrough since we've been here. He rolls now! He always rolls to his right side. He is finally able to roll all the way to his tummy and sometimes he can even pull that right arm out from under his body. Once in a while that arm gets stuck under there and he has no idea what to do. But he seems to be figuring it out much better these days since he is able to lift his head and chest up during tummy time.

Another thing he does is make lots of noises. I talk to him constantly and he makes noises back to me. He loves the eye contact and attention. And he also loves watching the television. It's not that we let him watch tv, but if he sees it on in the room, his eyes are glued to the screen. Ah oh!

My dad keeps holding toys in front of Max to see which hand he reaches with. So far his left hand usually gets to his toy first. He also likes to hold his hands in a clasped, praying position. His left hand is usually on the outside of the right hand. And since he reaches with his left hand to roll over to the right, we are slightly betting that he will be a lefty. Actually my dad thinks he is more likely to be left-handed, but who really knows.

We also see a red tint in Max's hair these days. We always saw a little red in his hair when the sunlight hit it, but the red becomes more noticeable as his hair continues to grow. I never would have thought that Marc and I would have a red-head, but he definitely has some recessive genes in his composition with those blue eyes. I'm sure his hair will get darker as he gets older since Marc and I were both blondies when we were born.

I found out on Max's last pediatrician visit that he is in the 90th percentile for weight gain. Today he weighs 14 1/2 lbs. The pediatrician was impressed that he is a purely breastfed baby because my milk is so full of nutrients. Formula fed babies typically put on weight faster than breastfed babies because breast milk is more easily digested. So she made me feel good that my milk so chock full of nutrients. It's really encouraging to know that my efforts are paying off! Max has some little thunder thighs, but she said he'll work those off when he starts walking.

Normally I would proofread a blog before posting, but absolutely not anymore. It's more important that I get to sleep than concern myself with a grammatical error. Goodnight....at least for a few hours. Oh, that reminds me. Max slept for 7 hours one night. So I thought he was sleeping all night now! But then he's only been sleeping four. I think he's just in a little growth spurt and hoping he will consistently be sleeping longer soon! Ok, now good night for real!

Bye Bye Grandma & Grandpa

This moment is bittersweet because ALL the grandparents are officially gone. They were all so much help to me, and now the real test begins. Sort of. I'm still tired all the time, but I'm feeling much, much better than I did when I came home from the hospital. The first 2 weeks when my parents were here was by far the hardest, and that was probably the biggest test. Now that we have a system in place to take care of Max I think we'll be ok.

The biggest new development at home are my boobs. Breast feeding really requires a little bit more dedication than I had anticipated. I find that it is the main thing on my mind 24/7. It's almost impossible to be away from Max while I am breast feeding. When Grandma and Grandpa would take him out during the day, I would constantly be wondering if they had enough milk to last until they got home. Supplementing with formula makes me feel like a failure, and I just don't want to go there. I don't like to eat processed foods, and I certainly don't want to begin my child's life on them.

The breast pump I am renting is a little big to travel with, so when we go on a trip I don't know what I am going to do if Grandma and Grandpa want to take Max on an outing while I rest for a bit. This really isn't a problem for me so much as it is for those that want to do something different than I do. I'm tired all the time and happy to do nothing, but they want to be out and about. Maybe by the time I'm traveling with the baby this will be easy.

Another breast feeding development is that I am very sore right now. I think it is because I pumped A LOT this week so that Marc's parents could take care of Max without me there. Pumping stimulates the nipples differently than breast feeding, and it hurts. I am hoping to go all natural for the next few days in hopes of eliminating this pain. It's bearable, but all too unpleasant.

I've had an "ah ha, now I get it" moment. People used to tell me to enjoy being pregnant because when the baby is born you won't have him all to yourself anymore. You will be sharing him with everyone else. I totally get that now. When Max was out with his grandparents for more than a few hours, I started going crazy missing him. And my boobs would fill with milk and he wouldn't be there to feed and it was harder on me than expected. I don't consider myself overprotective and am very surprised by my understanding of those comments.

I remember before I had the baby, my mom asked me if it would be ok to take Max somewhere without me if I was too tired to go. My response was, "Sure! Go have fun!" She said that I thought I would be ok before having the baby, but you never know how you are going to react to certain things immediately after the baby is born. I didn't believe that, but now that Max is here, I don't want him gone from me for very long at all.

So it makes me think this is the way mother nature intended. We weren't created with breast pumps in tow. And it's proven that the baby recognizes the mothers voice when they are born. Mommies are the food source for their babies. If it gives me less freedom because I need to always be close by for him, then so be it. The bonding is a beautiful and natural experience for both of us.

But don't get me wrong, I still wish I owned the thousand dollar breast pump....hahaha!!!

I went to a marketing research study today and got paid a whopping $50. The purpose of the survey was to get breastfeeding mothers' opinions on a new formula. Basically they were trying to convince me that their insanely expensive formula was as good for my baby as breast milk. Isn't that the problem with society today? Companies like that set out to convince our health providers of absurdities like this, and people fall for it. And cha-ching, money in the bank for them.

That's disgusting. I understand that some mothers are unable to breast feed and have no choice but to rely on formula. But there is nothing wrong with me and there is absolutely no convincing me that formula is as good as breast milk. Yuck.

I better try to take a nap for a bit before Max wakes up looking for food. Grandma and Grandpa won't be here to allow me to skip the 6am feeding. It's bewildering to think that I am moderately tired after having them help this week, and I hope I'm not beyond exhausted in a day or two. Oh wait nevermind, he's already awake and ready for milk. Go figure! Gotta' get back to being mommy....the best job in the world!