Saving the World...One Baby at a Time!

Max and his best friend Kai both have cars and cell phones. They are the exact same age and play together beautifully.... For the most part!

They are happy except for when Kai stops pushing the car in order to take a call. Yes, Kai did stop propelling his friend forward to jabber into the dead cell for a moment.

From the looks of these pictures, Max appears to be the alpha of the two. Oh boy....

For the first year of Max's life, I found it difficult to identify myself in any other way than being a mom. Maybe I didn't even want to identify myself differently. Breast feeding, interrupted sleep, and sh*t storms have been my favorite topics for the past 15 1/2 months.

Now I feel like more than a mom. I feel like a yogi, an artist, a dancer, an employee, a student, a teacher, a writer, a friend, an explorer, a martyr.....I feel like I am so many wonderful expressions. And I understand them in a different way than before baby Max entered my life.

But one thing I can't seem to quit reeling over, are babies. I think about babies across the world, in other countries, in neighboring towns, and in nearby buildings. I think of babies and mommies being together like they were destined to be. And then I think of babies helplessly crying by themselves without a mommy to respond. And it completely, utterly, and totally breaks my heart.

I think there are many reasons why a mother would neglect her precious crying baby. It's possible that she didn't know better. Maybe she thought it was good for the baby to cry. Maybe she listened to some bad advice. Maybe she was too tired to respond. Maybe she didn't feel connected with her child. Maybe she was a selfish bitch. But it's most likely that she was simply misinformed and lacking support.

When I was crazy sleep deprived, my lactation consultant said that if anyone asks you if your baby is sleeping all night, to just lie and say yes. At the time I didn't completely understand why, but looking back it makes perfect sense. Some detached parents are unsupportive and judgemental.

I haven't really been one to make up stories. Maybe the foggy look all over my face said it all anyway. When people would ask me how many times baby Max woke me up in the middle of the night, the honest answer was usually, "I can't remember".

One of my crunchy parent facebook friends wrote a status update that said a lady at the farmers market was asking about her baby and if she was letting her sleep. My friend replied, "of course not" with a smile and the lady went on to tell her about how she "Ferberized" all her kids because she needed to sleep. Here are all the comments below:

ugh, that makes me sick. I was up late last night and bored and was browsing some lady's babywise page... there was a mom on there asking for advice because she has been letting her SIX WEEK old cry it out for several days and it "still wasn't working." And another one trying to force feed her 4 mo. old because he would "only" take 4 oz at a time and wake up an hour later hungry. It honestly makes me nauseous to read things like that!

Ferberized? What does that mean?

ferber made the "cry it out" method popular, and depending on how you interpret it, it can be pretty extreme such as letting baby cry themselves to sleep in their crib alone until essentially they are "trained".

wtf

Ugh. I am reading babywise so I can say I did. All the rumors are true.

I read BW too, just so I knew what was in it, and it literally made me physically ill. Ferber is almost as bad, although I think it's Weissbluth that says to put them in bed, close the door, and not come back until morning. Sadly enough, at our Target W's boom is next to "Happiest Baby"

It's in with the swaddle blankets and baby monitors. :-(

Whatever happened to Maternal instinct??

I couldn't get past the first chapter in Babywise!!!! It was such BS.

grrrrr. I am utterly sick of ppl telling me that...

‎that is Horrible! Ug- God forbid something like a child gets in the way of someone's schedule... Ick!

*

So yes, it took well over a year for my son to sleep through the night. And some nights he still doesn't "sleep through the night". But it wasn't an inconvenience for me that limited me on what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. He is my son and I never want him to be afraid of asking me for something that he needs. I refused to begin our relationship ignoring his call for help.

It is worth noting that Baby Wise is the only parenting book that the American Association of Pediatrics has stated is dangerous to babies. It's also interesting that the children and grandchildren of the authors of Baby Wise want nothing to do with them either. It bewilders me that a book that is harmful to babies is legal. I'd like to start a revolution and get this trash off bookshelves.

Realistically, the difference I can make is at home. I vow to never treat my baby like an inconvenience. I promise to do my best to listen to his needs with a compassionate, open heart. That's the here and the now that I know is possible.

Attachment parenting is a lifestyle. I have a girlfriend that calls her parents in the middle of the night any time she needs help or advice. She's in her 30's and they have a super cool relationship. So maybe it's a better idea to be there for your kids whenever they need you. Even if it requires being a zombie mommy for a little while. :)

Plan B

The biggest news we have these days is that Max is sleeping in his crib and only gets up a couple times a night now. The way we initially devised the plan was not the way I carried out the plan. But sometimes you have to go to plan B.

Plan B involved me jumping up and down through out the night like a jack in the box. I could no longer breast feed him laying down in the middle of the night because I would fall asleep while nursing. And then forget about waking up to put Max back in the crib. I was too tired to care, and too absent minded to think about the baby sleeping anywhere else besides right next to me. So I would breast feed in the rocking chair and lay him back in the crib when I was finished.

It sounds like a really easy process, but nothing was easy that first week. It was harder on me than anyone. It wasn't very hard on Marc (except for a couple feedings he did) because he slept in another room and couldn't hear what was going on. And it wasn't hard on Max, because he always got and continues to get fed and soothed whenever he needs. But for me it was brutal.

We put the air mattress in Max's bedroom for me to lay down on after feeding him. That was especially useful when Max wouldn't go right back to sleep after a feeding. I could lay him down in his crib, and if he woke up I would be right there in his room to assure him that he was ok rather than running back and forth from one room to another.

Most importantly, I am very pleased with the results. We didn't use any cry it out methods or any baby training techniques. We didn't subscribe to the Ferber method or any other nutballs. We stuck with basic attachment parenting principles and hold your breath. Dun dun dunnnnn.....maternal instincts.

The easiest way to transition a baby to a crib this way is to have the father do all the night time feedings with a bottle. That way they still get their milk without looking to the boob for comfort all through out the night. But I crossed the hardest hump on my own before Marc's mom came in town. She did almost all the night feedings and helped me out tremendously. I think that really allowed us all to adjust to our new sleeping arrangements.

And just to clarify, I would start off co-sleeping if I had to do it over again. There is no way in the world I would have been able to hop up and down to breast feed every hour or two in the beginning. I'm certain that there is no way I would have succeeded with much separation between us. I believe mommies and babies are meant to be very close together in the beginning to develop a strong, secure bond.

Max is doing tons of adorable things that are much more interesting than just sleeping. He's been eating solid foods for well over a month now. It took a while to care about food, and now that he does I think he's obsessed. Today he wouldn't stop eating and Marc just kept feeding and feeding him. Marc thought he would know when to stop eating because he was full, but that was absolutely not the case.

Marc fed him hummus, a little slice of a peach, and a ton of sweet potato. He wouldn't stop eating sweet potato and Marc thought he was still hungry. Later when Max threw up we decided that it is our job to have portion control in mind after a certain amount. If he really likes the taste of a food, he might never stop eating if we don't stop feeding him.

We also like to feed him some foods such as avocado, banana, and boiled carrots that he can feed himself. It's fun for him and keeps him busy while we are doing other things in the kitchen. Here's Max in his high chair where he hangs out and watches me make shakes and clean dishes. The blender doesn't even phase him because he is so used to the noise. This is part of our routine almost every single day.

Marc's mom brought her friend Barbara with her to visit us and they stayed for a whole week. We went to some really fun events together. We all went to the movies and saw "The Town" with Ben Affleck. It was a great plot with a tremendous amount of violence. I got to see a fair amount of the flick except for when Max was talking to the big screen and we had to take some breaks to go sit outside.

We went to the Ahmanson Theatre to see "Leap of Faith" with Brooke Shields. It wasn't up to Broadway's standards, but we enjoyed it. I was so excited about getting out with the girls in my high heels that I wasn't paying attention and ungracefully fell down a small flight of stairs. Let's just say, "Ow, I'm still sore from that mistake!"

One night we got a babysitter and all went out to a comedy show at the Groundlings. We laughed our butts off and probably got a little ab workout that night. It was an absolute blast.

And for some "me" time, I went to a few yoga classes, got a massage, rode my bike, and got lots of extra sleep. That's really all it takes to make me happy. That was such a treat for me to do these things that I love and come home to the cutest baby in the world. It's amazing how he becomes even cuter after the opportunity to be selfish....I am so blessed!