Smashing Thoughtfulness

Vinyasas, sun salutations, and asanas fill my mind. Kitty cat and baby love surround me. Attacks penetrate me. Decisions confuse me. Logic grounds me and passion fills me with the ability to embrace change.

It's safe to say I deserve a big bear hug for being strong and resilient. And hey, I will throw in a pat on the back along with a comforting coconut water. Life is good, eh! It would be an understatement to say I have been in a thoughtful mood lately.

A few "rock my world" moments have caught me off guard lately. Some good. Some bad. But ultimately it is all good because an epiphany is a discovery of sorts. And to realize is to learn, and hopefully we all strive to learn more, find truth, and be better people.

Affirmation #1: At the end of yoga class my teacher started talking about healthy relationships and I started to cry. The epiphany was the realization that an unhealthy relationship has made its way into my life. That leads into a whirlwind of thoughts that of course include the relationship I have with myself...

Affirmation #2: Some people will always blame a problem on something trivial. The problem is never the socks on the floor or the dinner that is not made. I repeat. Such trivial dilemmas are never the problem.

Affirmation #3: My son loves me more than anything. There is no toy, no magic trick, and no replacement for a baby's mom. He has learned to wrap his arms around my neck and give me hugs! As if I wasn't already, now and I am constantly reminded of his love for me. Gosh, I am such a blessed mommy.

I should write a blog on each of these affirmations because I could go into so much detail. What might seem like nothing to one person might truly mean the world to another person. The individual lens that every person looks through to gain their own perspective sure does make life interesting.

Baby Max's first birthday party was a huge success. Well, depending on how you look at it. Aesthetically, it was perfect, but I was a nervous wreck...definitely not normal party-Lizzy-mode. With a full week's schedule of work and yoga teacher training, my focus was scattered.

The best part of the party was the smash cake made by Aunt Nori. She made an applesauce-sweetened banana bread with blueberries and vegan cream cheese frosting. The whole cake thing was kind of a big deal. We debated back and forth over whether to get the $10 Costco cake or the pain in the neck $60 ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins for the adults.

Of course we opted for the mint chocolate chip frozen delight over the cheap Costco cake. That was a childhood favorite of mine and for some strange, incomprehensible reason, I just had to have it.

In typical one-year-old fashion, baby Max slept through the first half of his party. Grandma and Grandpa woke him up and then panic mode started to set in over the fact that the cake was 2 blocks away at Baskin Robbins. We did not have room for the enormous cake in our freezer so we had to pick it up in the middle of the party.

Grandpa Bernie was originally going to grab the cake for us, but he was manning the grill on the rooftop deck and I decided we might need to look at a second option. So I asked one of our friends who had volunteered to help with the party to walk down the street and pick up the cake for us.

I must have appeared completely distressed because they responded by looking at me like I was a little nuts. Well of course I was nuts. We needed to sing happy birthday and we hadn't picked the cake up yet. Then I started remembering why I didn't want to have an ice cream cake in the first place. I knew we would have this problem!

So after asking my friends to get the cake they continued to enjoy their conversation as most people do at a party. I couldn't very well scream 9-1-1 so they would realize the urgency by which I needed this cake on my counter right NOW so i would have time to arrange the candles and the birthday boy for his big moment. If anyone was going to get that cake, it would have to be me.

Leaving the party for a bit was the best thing I could have done. It helped me to take a step back and realize it's just a party and I didn't need to feel so uptight. It was also nice to have the cake in my hands and know that this task was being taken care of.

Sweet Max is so special that he had two cakes, and after singing happy birthday with the big cake, we sang again with his own personal smash cake made by his Aunt Nori. We took off his shirt so he could get down and dirty. It was the highlight of my week to see him banging on his homemade dessert. And yes, the fact that it was vegan and sugar free was literally icing on the cake.
I love this low resolution picture. It looks kind of antique-y and maybe it masks the bags under my eyes.

Sending shouts out to Aunt Nori for making the smash cake and Aunt Paisley for picking up the balloons. Thanks girls!

Something Sparkly + Mexican Food + The Bachelor Happy Valentines Day to us baby!

Love is in the air. Romance took me by storm on Valentine's Day. No seriously, I shaved my legs and it was sultry. I even wore clean clothes. It was amazing. When you look up the word sexy in the dictionary, you see a picture of me and my almost brushed hair yesterday on valentines day.

First of all, Max slept 10 hours in a row and woke up at the perfect time for us to get ready for music class. We changed clothes, ate breakfast, and headed out the door and arrived at the jam session at 10:30am. Not only do I love singing "The Wheels On The Bus" with a captive audience of babies, but it is also magnificent to be in groups with such friendly, intelligent, supportive moms. The fact that we got home just in time for Max to nap in his crib was icing on the cake.

Gosh, I am really easy to please, huh! A good night's sleep, knocking out my to do list while my baby naps, and then Marc coming home in a great mood.... He completely caught me off guard by sending me off to the yoga studio with a very pretty, sparkly necklace that he picked out all by himself. The first thing that crossed my mind is uuuuuhhhhhhhhh......what did I get HIM? And then I remembered I had stuck sweet nothings in his car and briefcase the night before so that he would be sent off to work with a happy heart. Oh thank goodness I had planned ahead! Whew! I'm so excited about my new necklace!

On my way home from yoga we decided to pick up yummy mexican food from El Cholo and watch some trashy television with Max. Yup, that's right. We spent Valentine's Day with enchiladas, bachelor Brad, beautiful Emily, and psychotic Michelle. We can't help but devour that show....and guacamole. Ridiculous I say! What's even more ridiculous is that I took a minute out of my day to google their spread in Sports Illustrated after watching their photo shoot on their last date. That's when you know you're sucked in....except with a tummy full of salsa there is no sucking in at all.

And then the real magic happened... Max took four steps and I was simply relieved that the couch was the closest thing to him, so when he fell there would be a nice cushion and I didn't need to dive in for the catch. Except instead of crashing into a piece of furniture after those initial steps he casually stopped and looked around like a pedestrian waiting for the walk sign. Really? After a few seconds there, it was as if he saw the appropriate green sign, and he continued to meander in the direction he was going until he got to his destination between the cat and me. Just standing around like it was no big thing....

I've been wondering when I could say that Max is officially walking. He trips and tumbles to the ground simultaneously while taking three or four steps all the time, but I decided that since he increased that number without falling that it's official. This little boy is walking! It was a happy day for lots of reasons, but I think this one tops the charts! It is so exciting to see my boisterous bundle reach every single milestone.

I really couldn't have asked for a better monday. It truly was a happy valentines day with all my boys! Sleep, food, jewelry, yoga, and The Bachelor intertwined with love made for an incredible day. That's as fancy as we get around here lately! Happy Valentines Day!

Funny Little Dude

Max is being so adorable that I couldn't resist a little update. Right now he is laying next to me and laughing out loud for no apparent reason. There is absolutely nothing funny going on. He doesn't even have a toy in his hand. He is just laughing and laughing and laughing. It's making me laugh because it is funny to watch a little boy laugh like this!

He has started entertaining himself for 15 minutes at a time on a regular basis. I still hold him as much as possible, but when I have stuff to do, I can easily lay him down with some toys and he is good to go. These little chunks of time give me so much freedom!

We've only been home from our trip to Birmingham and Dallas for a few days and we are already getting on a good schedule. Last night he went to bed at 9:30 pm which is pretty good time for us. He's usually ready to go for the day 11 hours after he falls asleep. Today that meant he was ready to go for the day at 8am. That would have been fine with me except that I stayed up kind of late working on a project.

So he has been waking up at 1am for a feeding. This has always been ok for me because I want him to have a full belly before I get into a deep sleep. But last night he woke up and was back asleep in less than a minute. That's because he found his pacifier and put it in his mouth all by himself. So he was instantly a happy, sucking baby and didn't need me. That was kind of awesome!

Last week he started groaning in the middle of the night, which of course means he is hungry. I turned over to feed him and he used his hand to take his pacifier out of his mouth so he could drink his milk. That amazed me that his hand-eye coordination was so accurate and he knew exactly what to do. I guess it makes sense that if he knew how to take the pacifier out of his mouth he would know how to put it back in.

Marc has said a few things that I found funny. A month ago before I took Max to Florida, Marc goes, "Look, he loves me! He's holding on so tight!" Marc also said he thought I was crazy in the beginning for talking and singing to Max. Now he said he understands why I do it--because he loves it. It has been nice to see Marc come around and learn how to communicate with his son.

One of my friends was talking about this with me. She said that we are so used to talking to our pets and anyone that will listen, that talking to our baby is natural. But you know me and the extensive reading I do. I read that eye contact along with mimicking the baby's sounds gives them confidence and high self esteem. So of course I do that all the time.

Last night Marc took Max out of my hands and gave Max a bath. And then they cuddled on the couch for a while. During this time I was able to clean the litter box, shower, and pluck my eyebrows. It is nice that he has started doing things like that without me asking. Really, it is a relief for me, and it is so sweet to see them bonding.

Baby Max is 3 Months Old

Baby Max is 3 months old...exactly 13 weeks today. Whew! I made it this far! It's amazing how fast you learn so much because you have no other choice. I love every minute of being a mommy except for when I don't think I can take it another second. Juuuuuust kidding! But postpartum hormones are still a pain!

The other night I cried myself to sleep because I love him so much. And then the next night I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. But even being the overly-adoring, over-the-top gushing, madly in love mommy that I am, I get exhausted and loony. From what I hear after talking to other moms, that just makes me human.

On a bright, happy note, I've been getting more sleep than usual because we are in Dallas right now. Thanks for the extra help from Grandmom and Granddad! We've been in Dallas for almost 3 weeks and plan to go back to LA on Sat.

This has been a wonderful trip. It hasn't all been easy, but it's mostly been awesome. The first week I was here, we had a bit of a tough trip to Birmingham, AL where we introduced Max to his great grandmother Mama Ellen. That was such a special time, but I almost reached my breaking point. I was sleep deprived at the beginning of the trip, and after 10+ hours in the car, Max had a meltdown that night that kept any of us from sleeping. He's had gas pains a few times prior to this, but this was on a whole new level. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, and my mom described his cries as barking like a dog. We were only a step away from taking him to the ER until he finally just fell asleep.

It was just an unfortunately bad night that made it difficult to see straight the entire next day. It was a complete bummer for me because we had arranged professional photographs of Max with the whole family, but I looked like certifiable crap. I even started crying at the picture session. The only place I wanted to be was in a dark room with a bed. But somehow, I made it through that day. Mama Ellen loved seeing us and we loved seeing her and everyone else.

Last weekend, My dad and I took Max to meet some more relatives in Abilene. That trip was much easier and quite relaxing. Max didn't realize he had so many cousins until he finally met them. We had a nice lunch at my cousin Greg's house and that was another special time with family.

I think the kicker is when Max met his Uncle Ross and Uncle David. The first time Ross held Max, his diaper blew out onto Ross's clothes. The green, slimy poop that seeped out onto Ross's khakis made him completely gun shy about holding Max. You should have seen the look of disgust on his face. I would've sworn by that look that he would never want anything to do with his nephew ever again.

For some reason, my brother David wasn't scared after what happened to Ross. He generously offered to help me with a middle of the night feeding and diaper change. Keep in mind, one of his hands was recently mangled by a pit bull and he had never changed a diaper before--especially one-handed. Apparently he was having a difficult time getting the diaper on and Ross had to help him. In the hour that it took to change the diaper, they both got peed on. Not once, but TWICE! And don't think they got through that one by themselves. My dad had to come in and help them in the end. So yes, it took three men to change that one diaper. I bet Max laughed and laughed at his urine-infested uncles.

When my high school friend Amy was over a couple weeks ago, Max had a breakthrough day. It was the first day he became able to hold his head up for long periods of time. That was really cool to see her holding him with his head consistently staying still. She also took this picture of him laughing. It's the first picture that truly captures his big smile.

He had another huge breakthrough since we've been here. He rolls now! He always rolls to his right side. He is finally able to roll all the way to his tummy and sometimes he can even pull that right arm out from under his body. Once in a while that arm gets stuck under there and he has no idea what to do. But he seems to be figuring it out much better these days since he is able to lift his head and chest up during tummy time.

Another thing he does is make lots of noises. I talk to him constantly and he makes noises back to me. He loves the eye contact and attention. And he also loves watching the television. It's not that we let him watch tv, but if he sees it on in the room, his eyes are glued to the screen. Ah oh!

My dad keeps holding toys in front of Max to see which hand he reaches with. So far his left hand usually gets to his toy first. He also likes to hold his hands in a clasped, praying position. His left hand is usually on the outside of the right hand. And since he reaches with his left hand to roll over to the right, we are slightly betting that he will be a lefty. Actually my dad thinks he is more likely to be left-handed, but who really knows.

We also see a red tint in Max's hair these days. We always saw a little red in his hair when the sunlight hit it, but the red becomes more noticeable as his hair continues to grow. I never would have thought that Marc and I would have a red-head, but he definitely has some recessive genes in his composition with those blue eyes. I'm sure his hair will get darker as he gets older since Marc and I were both blondies when we were born.

I found out on Max's last pediatrician visit that he is in the 90th percentile for weight gain. Today he weighs 14 1/2 lbs. The pediatrician was impressed that he is a purely breastfed baby because my milk is so full of nutrients. Formula fed babies typically put on weight faster than breastfed babies because breast milk is more easily digested. So she made me feel good that my milk so chock full of nutrients. It's really encouraging to know that my efforts are paying off! Max has some little thunder thighs, but she said he'll work those off when he starts walking.

Normally I would proofread a blog before posting, but absolutely not anymore. It's more important that I get to sleep than concern myself with a grammatical error. Goodnight....at least for a few hours. Oh, that reminds me. Max slept for 7 hours one night. So I thought he was sleeping all night now! But then he's only been sleeping four. I think he's just in a little growth spurt and hoping he will consistently be sleeping longer soon! Ok, now good night for real!