Sleepy Time Sentiments

There are about eight (thousand) reasons why I will be awake at 4am tonight:

1. My baby. He might cry around that time for one of a thousand reasons. He might be a little too hot or cold and need a blanket placed on or removed from his body. He might be thirsty and need some milk. His pacifier may have fallen out of his mouth and need me to put it back in. He might simply want the comfort of knowing that I will be there for him and revel in a few pats on the back before he is sent back into his slumber.

2. My boobs. Actually the chances are highly likely because I am so used to getting up around that time that even if baby Max does not need me, my body is biologically programmed to wonder how the little rugrat is doing. Funny how mother nature takes over. Thursday night Max slept for 10 hours in a row and my boobs were so full of milk that morning that I was afraid to move. I even broke the number one cardinal rule of motherhood and woke my sleeping baby and latched him on for a drink.

3. My cat. Boogars likes to announce when he is going to use the potty and will howl at the top of his lungs before going out to his litter box. That's the best case scenario because at least he finds what he needs and I don't have to get out of bed to tend to him. Other reasons are because he ran out of food or water in the night or wants attention. He may also meow at 4am if I have not gotten up to assist Max in some way. He is so used to getting pets before and after my other baby gets his pets that if I skip that feeding he is all kinds of confused.

4. Marc. His phone. His alarm. His trips to the bathroom. Yada yada yada....

5. Me. God forbid I have to tend to myself. Sometimes I wake up about to chew my tongue off because I am so thirsty. Breast feeding does that. And then after pounding water in the middle of the night, sometimes I have to get up again to use the bathroom once or twice.

6. Earthquakes. Yeah, we live in southern California and earthquakes are a regular occurrence here. But wait. This is not true. I was already awake for every earthquake we've had since baby Max was born. So an earthquake never technically woke me up.

7. My To Do List. Yes, it is possible that a list could wake me up. Because I have a huge fear of being unprepared or neglectful and worry too much. Dammit, that reminds me I need to write a few thank you notes, submit some insurance claims online, and I can't remember what else I forgot.

8. My Dirty Hair. Last night I woke up because I remembered that I forgot to wash my hair this week. No kidding! I worked for eight hours on Wednesday and between that and yoga teacher training I only allotted four minutes time for a shower. Don't ask me how I remembered to use soap and shave my armpits because my day started at 5am and I didn't get home until 5:30pm. By the time I put Max to bed at 11pm I was delusional. Thank goodness I don't have to do that on a regular basis!

Can you believe someone actually gave us an alarm clock for a baby shower gift? And you wonder why the only present I ever ask for is sleep. Everyone thinks I am joking, but that is all I ever need. Well I could get greedy and think of some other things! Hmmmm.....Time to go to sleep!

Little P Found His Package!

Yes, that is how it sounds. Little Max Perry found his penis this week. Now when we change him, he has to check and make sure it is still there. I keep telling him it's all intact....including his foreskin. He's already holding himself like a football player in the locker room. That must be an exciting discovery for any boy!

He also found his ears. He keeps running his hand back there to pull on his ears and scratch his head. He's giving the Fonz from "Grease" a run for his money. All baby Max needs is a little more hair.

We've reached a pivotal point where we are ready to transition Max to his crib. We are all ready. Well, Marc and I are ready, but I'm not sure if Max is or not. But I am done with cosleeping. It served us well and attributed to a strong breast feeding relationship, but it suddenly became perfectly clear that we are ready for the next step.

It was a culmination of milestones that got us to this point. First of all, he is not teething. Both of his bottom teeth have come in, so I don't have to worry about him enduring excruciating pain all night. Secondly, we are not traveling. Nor do we plan to go anywhere before Thanksgiving. As I well know, it is impossible to adapt a solid schedule if you are going to leave and wreck it. Third, Max is finally eating lots of food. So I don't have to worry about his little tummy hurting because he is empty. These factors were all crucial before we could possibly attempt the transition.

I was just hoping for him to show some interest in food, but it is beyond that. Today he ate 1/3 of an avocado, a few beans, and some banana with brown rice cereal. I couldn't have asked for more in the food department.

Last time I fed him avocado, he gagged on it and spit it out. Today, he barked at me when I didn't feed it to him fast enough. Since I eat avocado almost every day, that will be a very easy food to give him. It's also nice that I don't have to puree it for him. I simply cut him a slice and he chews and swallows without a problem. This feels like a victory for me, but all I did was continue to offer it to him over and over.

The way we are transitioning Max into his crib is as usual a carefully thought out plan modeled by other peaceful parenting advocates and nonbelievers in crying it out. A breast fed baby's first love affair is with the boob. So naturally they look for the boob for comfort. And Max loves to look for that boob in the middle of the night!

So to switch it up, tonight daddy Marc will be there to comfort. Not me. Yes, that's right folks. Marc is taking over the nighttime feedings until Max is adjusted to his room. And since Marc doesn't have boobs, he will be there to comfort and soothe in a different way than me. Because at this point, it's about comfort more than hunger. I'm actually going to do the first feeding just to give my boobs some relief, and then it will be up to Marc to get Max through the rest of the night. I am going to sleep in another room after the first feeding so I can get a much needed break and some extra sleep. Wait. I lie. I'm not getting extra sleep. I'd have to sleep for a straight month for it to be considered extra. I am just aiming to get a good night's sleep is all.

So I got the boys all ready for their first night. We have the baby monitors all set up. Max has his turtle nightlight on so he can see where he is when he wakes up. Since he won't be smelling me and my milk, he will have the bunny that he sleeps with every night with our familiar scents. I moved the rocking chair from the living room into his bedroom. Basically, I've equipped them with everything they might need in hopes of being left alone. I'm really hoping for a successful night, but realize it usually takes a week to begin a new sleep association.

Let's hope Max finds his package is an adequate replacement for the boob. Because tonight it's up to him and Daddy! Wish us luck!

Reflecting...

Look at his first tooth in this picture!

I just went back and watched the videos of when Baby Max was born. Wow, things have changed!

I was especially surprised to watch the video of 1 week postpartum to see how pregnant I looked. My belly was hanging out of the bottom of my shirt. How funny! I was huge!

The most special memory I have with my son so far is breast feeding for the first time. Everyone kept saying that breast feeding was so hard. But I didn't understand why or how it could be so difficult. Max came out ready to suck and made my job easy.

I think the reason it was so special to breast feed him was because it made everything so real. We put him up to the boob and he knew exactly what to do. It was probably the most pure and natural moment after giving birth. I stared at him the whole time. It was so amazing to see how he opened his mouth and started sucking. He seemed very happy there and I loved having him on me.

At that point my milk hadn't come in yet and I knew he was getting colostrum that he needed to clean out his digestive tract. The funny thing about colostrum is that it is clear and watery so you don't feel like you are feeding your child. It was more of a time to be close and get to know each other. My heart goes out to mommies and babies who are unable to breast feed because the bonding is so special.

But now that I have breast fed Max for the past 6 months, I understand why people say it is hard. It has nothing to do with putting your boob in a baby's mouth. That's the easy part for most. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule when there are health disorders and latch problems. But the actual act of feeding is quite easy. Especially with all the special pillows such as the boppy and the breast friend.

The reason people say breast feeding is hard is because you don't get to retreat away from your child and there is almost no opportunity to be selfish. For most of us that have only had to worry about taking care of ourselves for the past 30+ years, it is a huge lifestyle change. Newborns have to eat every hour or two, and that is the breast feeding mother's job. Point blank. You are the only one there to do that job.

So you might not think that sounds like a big deal, but when it comes down to not being able to sleep more than 3 hours in a row or just run off to run a quick errand, you start to realize how hard it can be. That's why you really need to look to your "village" for help with things like cooking and cleaning.

When I think about being attached to my son for the first 3 months of his life, it sounds easy and natural. But when you're living it and haven't been able to skip off to a yoga class or a retreat to the movies or anywhere at all by yourself for several months, you can see why many people quickly give up on breast feeding.

But if you hang in there past the first 3 or 4 months when sleep deprivation is at its worst, breast feeding becomes a miracle. Any time your baby is sick or fussy, you can always soothe by nursing. I've heard that many mothers regret that they quit nursing as soon as their baby is sick. It's too bad that moms will quit nursing and let their milk dry up when all they needed was help. It's a good feeling to know that I was able to nurse Max half the night before he got his first tooth. He must have been in so much pain and it's nice to know that I was able to bring him some relief.

My favorite thing about breast feeding is that I don't have to pack formula and bottles everywhere I go. Babies need enough these days between diapers, wipes, carseats, change of outfits, etc. The last thing I want to have to do on top of that is make bottles. And since I am not making bottles, I am not cleaning bottles. And you know the last thing I want to deal with is cleaning anything I don't have to.

Now that Max has begun eating solid foods, I am not the only one capable of feeding him anymore. So a breast feeding mother is only 100% in charge of feedings for 6 months. Then it is possible to share that responsibility with others. Just because breast feeding is so consuming in the beginning doesn't mean it will stay that way. It just gets easier and easier.

I'm starting to sound like a lactation consultant, huh! I wish all mothers could share this bond with their babies. My most special moments with Max are revolved around nursing when we stare into each other's eyes. He knows I am nourishing him and always there to fill his needs. And I know I'm doing a good job because he's getting heavy!

We went to the pediatrician yesterday. Max weighs a little under 17 lbs. I think he actually lost a tiny bit of weight this past week. He is so active these days and always reaching out and scooting towards his toys. He's burning tons of calories with all this action. He went down to the 25th percentile in weight and is in the 75th percentile for height.

We just started giving him brown rice cereal yesterday, so he'll probably pack some weight back on really fast. I barely gave him any these past 2 days, but we'll increase that very soon. After hearing too many nightmare stories about babies being constipated, I've started slow with the food.

Going to the park is one of my favorite things to do with Max. We love being together and we love being outside. I love being his mom and it is so beautiful to reflect on our journey together, thus far.