Reflecting...

Look at his first tooth in this picture!

I just went back and watched the videos of when Baby Max was born. Wow, things have changed!

I was especially surprised to watch the video of 1 week postpartum to see how pregnant I looked. My belly was hanging out of the bottom of my shirt. How funny! I was huge!

The most special memory I have with my son so far is breast feeding for the first time. Everyone kept saying that breast feeding was so hard. But I didn't understand why or how it could be so difficult. Max came out ready to suck and made my job easy.

I think the reason it was so special to breast feed him was because it made everything so real. We put him up to the boob and he knew exactly what to do. It was probably the most pure and natural moment after giving birth. I stared at him the whole time. It was so amazing to see how he opened his mouth and started sucking. He seemed very happy there and I loved having him on me.

At that point my milk hadn't come in yet and I knew he was getting colostrum that he needed to clean out his digestive tract. The funny thing about colostrum is that it is clear and watery so you don't feel like you are feeding your child. It was more of a time to be close and get to know each other. My heart goes out to mommies and babies who are unable to breast feed because the bonding is so special.

But now that I have breast fed Max for the past 6 months, I understand why people say it is hard. It has nothing to do with putting your boob in a baby's mouth. That's the easy part for most. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule when there are health disorders and latch problems. But the actual act of feeding is quite easy. Especially with all the special pillows such as the boppy and the breast friend.

The reason people say breast feeding is hard is because you don't get to retreat away from your child and there is almost no opportunity to be selfish. For most of us that have only had to worry about taking care of ourselves for the past 30+ years, it is a huge lifestyle change. Newborns have to eat every hour or two, and that is the breast feeding mother's job. Point blank. You are the only one there to do that job.

So you might not think that sounds like a big deal, but when it comes down to not being able to sleep more than 3 hours in a row or just run off to run a quick errand, you start to realize how hard it can be. That's why you really need to look to your "village" for help with things like cooking and cleaning.

When I think about being attached to my son for the first 3 months of his life, it sounds easy and natural. But when you're living it and haven't been able to skip off to a yoga class or a retreat to the movies or anywhere at all by yourself for several months, you can see why many people quickly give up on breast feeding.

But if you hang in there past the first 3 or 4 months when sleep deprivation is at its worst, breast feeding becomes a miracle. Any time your baby is sick or fussy, you can always soothe by nursing. I've heard that many mothers regret that they quit nursing as soon as their baby is sick. It's too bad that moms will quit nursing and let their milk dry up when all they needed was help. It's a good feeling to know that I was able to nurse Max half the night before he got his first tooth. He must have been in so much pain and it's nice to know that I was able to bring him some relief.

My favorite thing about breast feeding is that I don't have to pack formula and bottles everywhere I go. Babies need enough these days between diapers, wipes, carseats, change of outfits, etc. The last thing I want to have to do on top of that is make bottles. And since I am not making bottles, I am not cleaning bottles. And you know the last thing I want to deal with is cleaning anything I don't have to.

Now that Max has begun eating solid foods, I am not the only one capable of feeding him anymore. So a breast feeding mother is only 100% in charge of feedings for 6 months. Then it is possible to share that responsibility with others. Just because breast feeding is so consuming in the beginning doesn't mean it will stay that way. It just gets easier and easier.

I'm starting to sound like a lactation consultant, huh! I wish all mothers could share this bond with their babies. My most special moments with Max are revolved around nursing when we stare into each other's eyes. He knows I am nourishing him and always there to fill his needs. And I know I'm doing a good job because he's getting heavy!

We went to the pediatrician yesterday. Max weighs a little under 17 lbs. I think he actually lost a tiny bit of weight this past week. He is so active these days and always reaching out and scooting towards his toys. He's burning tons of calories with all this action. He went down to the 25th percentile in weight and is in the 75th percentile for height.

We just started giving him brown rice cereal yesterday, so he'll probably pack some weight back on really fast. I barely gave him any these past 2 days, but we'll increase that very soon. After hearing too many nightmare stories about babies being constipated, I've started slow with the food.

Going to the park is one of my favorite things to do with Max. We love being together and we love being outside. I love being his mom and it is so beautiful to reflect on our journey together, thus far.

Bye Bye Grandma & Grandpa

This moment is bittersweet because ALL the grandparents are officially gone. They were all so much help to me, and now the real test begins. Sort of. I'm still tired all the time, but I'm feeling much, much better than I did when I came home from the hospital. The first 2 weeks when my parents were here was by far the hardest, and that was probably the biggest test. Now that we have a system in place to take care of Max I think we'll be ok.

The biggest new development at home are my boobs. Breast feeding really requires a little bit more dedication than I had anticipated. I find that it is the main thing on my mind 24/7. It's almost impossible to be away from Max while I am breast feeding. When Grandma and Grandpa would take him out during the day, I would constantly be wondering if they had enough milk to last until they got home. Supplementing with formula makes me feel like a failure, and I just don't want to go there. I don't like to eat processed foods, and I certainly don't want to begin my child's life on them.

The breast pump I am renting is a little big to travel with, so when we go on a trip I don't know what I am going to do if Grandma and Grandpa want to take Max on an outing while I rest for a bit. This really isn't a problem for me so much as it is for those that want to do something different than I do. I'm tired all the time and happy to do nothing, but they want to be out and about. Maybe by the time I'm traveling with the baby this will be easy.

Another breast feeding development is that I am very sore right now. I think it is because I pumped A LOT this week so that Marc's parents could take care of Max without me there. Pumping stimulates the nipples differently than breast feeding, and it hurts. I am hoping to go all natural for the next few days in hopes of eliminating this pain. It's bearable, but all too unpleasant.

I've had an "ah ha, now I get it" moment. People used to tell me to enjoy being pregnant because when the baby is born you won't have him all to yourself anymore. You will be sharing him with everyone else. I totally get that now. When Max was out with his grandparents for more than a few hours, I started going crazy missing him. And my boobs would fill with milk and he wouldn't be there to feed and it was harder on me than expected. I don't consider myself overprotective and am very surprised by my understanding of those comments.

I remember before I had the baby, my mom asked me if it would be ok to take Max somewhere without me if I was too tired to go. My response was, "Sure! Go have fun!" She said that I thought I would be ok before having the baby, but you never know how you are going to react to certain things immediately after the baby is born. I didn't believe that, but now that Max is here, I don't want him gone from me for very long at all.

So it makes me think this is the way mother nature intended. We weren't created with breast pumps in tow. And it's proven that the baby recognizes the mothers voice when they are born. Mommies are the food source for their babies. If it gives me less freedom because I need to always be close by for him, then so be it. The bonding is a beautiful and natural experience for both of us.

But don't get me wrong, I still wish I owned the thousand dollar breast pump....hahaha!!!

I went to a marketing research study today and got paid a whopping $50. The purpose of the survey was to get breastfeeding mothers' opinions on a new formula. Basically they were trying to convince me that their insanely expensive formula was as good for my baby as breast milk. Isn't that the problem with society today? Companies like that set out to convince our health providers of absurdities like this, and people fall for it. And cha-ching, money in the bank for them.

That's disgusting. I understand that some mothers are unable to breast feed and have no choice but to rely on formula. But there is nothing wrong with me and there is absolutely no convincing me that formula is as good as breast milk. Yuck.

I better try to take a nap for a bit before Max wakes up looking for food. Grandma and Grandpa won't be here to allow me to skip the 6am feeding. It's bewildering to think that I am moderately tired after having them help this week, and I hope I'm not beyond exhausted in a day or two. Oh wait nevermind, he's already awake and ready for milk. Go figure! Gotta' get back to being mommy....the best job in the world!